How do I know? That describes me after I chose death instead of life for my children. In 1986, I found myself pregnant and all alone. This child was not conceived in an act of love. He was conceived after someone from my past showed up at my door – drunk and took advantage of me. Fear and shame overwhelmed me. I could not imagine myself connected to this man in any way, let alone trying to parent a child with him.

I flipped open the phone book, found an abortion clinic, and asked my girlfriend to drive me. It was over and done before I even thought about what I was doing. Somehow, I tried to rationalize my decision and convinced myself that it was not a baby yet but just a blob of tissue. The women at the clinic led me to believe I was making the right decision. Weeks passed, and I found myself depressed and numb as I tried to forget what I did.

Statistics say that a woman who experiences an abortion is most likely to have two or more before the age of 45. Usually, there are at least one or more years between the abortions. Well, I found myself in that statistic with one rare twist . . . my second abortion happened within a few months after my first.
I was dating my current husband, Brad. Out of a need to feel loved and wanted, and after all that happened to me, we started having a physical relationship, which resulted in another pregnancy.

Once more, fear set in. Without thinking and allowing us to feel anything, we chose to abort our child. In both cases, it seemed to be a simple solution to a problem, which is another lie within the pro-choice movement.

My shame increased because that same night after the second abortion. I ended up in the hospital with a fever and overwhelming pain due to an incomplete abortion and had to have a DNC. My heart sank, and tears began to fall as I heard what the doctor said, and reality set in . . . I killed my baby; I killed my children! The only children I will ever have are in heaven because, for them, I chose death instead of life!

To be honest, that time in my life is still unclear, for I actually experienced three traumas in a short period. I was taken advantage of, and I experienced two abortions back to back. For years, I lived in a pit of internal hell filled with self-hatred, shame, and guilt.

Thank God for his mercy. He has brought me out of the darkness into his light. It took me over twenty years to understand that God’s grace covers all sins, including abortion. God reached into my pit, lifted me up, and set my feet on a solid rock. I could see His face filled with compassion – I found forgiveness in His love. Therefore, I want to encourage anyone who has experienced an abortion with these words. God loves you and wants to help you, and he is waiting for you to turn and take His hand so He can lift you out of your pit and give you new life. He did it for me, and He will do it for you. All you have to do is stop running away and run to Him. He is calling you out of the pit into the light.

Let me encourage you to call the International Helpline for Abortion Recovery at 866-482-Life anytime, day or night. There is someone there who understands and will help you take the first step.

Sherry graduated with her B.A. in Ministry Leadership from Grace College & Seminary in Winona Lake, IN. She served with Concepts of Truth International from April 2007 to March 2022 in various service, administrative, and managing partner positions. She is a phone consultant on the International Helpline for Concepts of Truth and has taken over 1000 calls. Sherry is one of the staff writers of Concepts of Recovery the Journey, a mental health curriculum and recovery model. She is a trained facilitator who has led many recovery groups and actively trained leaders in reproductive loss and sexual trauma. She has shared her testimony in churches, small groups, and organizations and has presented at the United Nations. Her story of redemption and grace has been told on radio, television, and newspapers, encouraging others to come forward and heal. Sherry lives in Ohio and is married to Brad Neuenschwander. They own and operate a small family business. They have both been involved in missions in Liberia, West Africa.