I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I was riding in the car shortly after the first abortion. The thought suddenly came to me, “I am a murderer. God is never going to forgive me.”

After several months, I found myself crying while at work for no reason, and felt that I was losing my mind. I quit my job and moved back home with my family. The doctor prescribed valium, and I slept for days. Due to the length of time since the abortion, there was no conscious connection that what was happening was linked to the abortion.

The second pregnancy and abortion occurred approximately a year and a half later. After this abortion, I developed an eating disorder on top of the depression, anxiety, and overall dysfunctional state in which I already existed.

During the next 40 years, I married and divorced, had numerous short-term relationships, medicated myself with alcohol, experienced depression and anxiety but managed to build a good stable career that provided a nice home and material things. What was wrong with me? I asked myself over and over.

I was involved in church facilitating Bible studies, single’s ministry, going on mission trips, etc. I loved God and had a desire to minister to women. However, I could not understand why this dark cloud still cast a wide shadow over my life.

One day, nearly 40 years after my abortions, I discovered that there are healing programs for post-abortive women. Actually, I volunteered to help establish a program at a local Pregnancy Care Center. Through my research, I discovered that my dark cloud was a result of the trauma of abortion. The Lord walked with me during my healing journey with the Surrendering the Secret Bible Study written by Pat Layton.

Since then I live in freedom from the aftermath of abortion, God has allowed me to walk that healing journey with many women that they may also be free of the stronghold an abortion can have over our lives.

My desire is that no woman will ever chose to have an abortion, but when they do, they will know that there is emotional healing and restoration in Christ. Isaiah 61: 1-3

Brenda Pennock is retired after a career in Human Resources. She is single and enjoys spending time with her family and traveling the United States. Brenda ministers to post-abortive women at her church in Tampa, Florida and also serves as a peer counselor with the church’s Care Advocate ministry.
Brenda is a phone consultant for Concepts of Truth’s International Helpline for Abortion Recovery & Prevention.